If you dress up like a minstrel, don't expect me not to hit you in the face with the phallic object that you're holding, k?

I feel enlightened.

Not like Hume, let's face it, I'm never going to be that kind of enlightened but somewhat wiser about my stay here in Taiwan.

Three major factors are involved in this new found understanding (which is less an understanding but more a sort of acknowledgement of what has been staring me in the face for the last couple of months);

1. When I lived in Scotland I was a busy person. When I first got here I was not. Work takes up a significant portion of the day but I found that that was it. I've stopped that, living for the weekend has been a new thing for me and it didn't suit. Midweek fun is where it's at. Word.

2. Don't screw the crew. Okay, not literally, I've never been a crew screwer, but meeting people that I don't work with, and don't speak about work with is good for me. I'm lucky, the people I work with on an everyday basis are awesome but inevitably shop talk is a big part of too many conversations.

3. A late night conversation with a master of enjoyment (a French boy of course) reminded me that my moral high grounds really aren't that high. I'll be leaving my soap box at home from now on, maybe even on the porch. LTD

Red Button

Facebook. Now y'all know that I'm a fan of facebook, one might even say I would 'like' facebook if facebook had a fan page, which I'm sure it does but I'm not gonna look for it. Anyway, it's an awesome way of keeping in touch with with my people which are, as you might imagine with a spawn like myself, all over the friggin' place and it's also an excellent way of keeping in touch with both my non-travelling friend folk and my travelling friend folk. There was a time that my collective boyfriend and I had to organise everything on facebook, our tradition for breakfasting together meant invites to five people on a closed event (by the way collective boyfriend, I miss you, and I think about you everyday) often with two of the collective answering maybe.

In the last couple of months facebook has been mean to me. It has this picture suggestion thing and even though I had hidden undesirable former emotional attachments from my feed it would consistently bring up pictures of them (not just one!) looking entirely too pleased in my absence. Nay I yelled! and had I known how to turn the suggestion thing off I would have done so. As it stands I don't, but have found that if I just don't look at pictures, they don't come up.

This sounds as if I'm talking about ex boyfriends and yes, I won't deny, they are amongst the masses but actually, it's everyone. People that I like/love having fun with out me. Not that I'm not having fun, but I'd rather have fun with them.

Red button release.

My CT (co-teacher) took me to the flower festival last week. The flowers were nice, nicer was where we were. I live in the tropics bitch.

flower pot giraffe yo!

Janice and her dad

duck?

My farmer's tan. I was trying to keep my face out of the picture but the look of suffering is kinda priceless.

This little gem was in our teacher's guide. Now I've heard about the curriculum writers being over worked but seriously?

Dx

Press iiiiiit!

Shiny red buttons have always been a particular weakness of mine.

I can think of more than one occasion where this has been the source of trouble, although never trouble so serious as to have rid me of the need to push the next red button I see.

The red button below is located just above my bed and presumably controls the fire alarm and the four sprinklers in my ceiling.

Red Button

The problem is, I have only just noticed it.

I have only just noticed it and I really want to push it.

I'm not going to, for a variety of reasons:

1. I am an adult with some level of control over my own hands.

2. I have electronic equipment in the room that is too precious to be water damaged by the sprinkler system that would presumably be set off by the pushing of said red button.

3. It would scare the dog.

4. My doorman David is kinda creepy and I really don't want to give him any kind of excuse to come in here.

I could go on. I won't though.

What I'll do instead is push other red buttons. Ones that are less physical.

Red Button of the Day/week/year (I'm not entirely sure this will be a constant feature.)

Have you ever noticed how drama follows some people around?

I'm not ashamed to say that when I was younger I courted drama and enjoyed being in the centre of a scandal. When I wasn't the centre of said scandal I would judge to the point of interfering so as to make me a part of it. I am ashamed to say that I guess to some degree the latter part of that is still in me somewhere, maybe not as repressed as I like it to be, but repressed enough not to realise it's full potential before I give it a swift kick up the fanny and tell it to fuck.right.off.

Not everyone grows out of it.

Some people still send that text instead of having that awkward conversation or say this instead of that, or, well, they blatantly take the spoons out of their pockets and begin their stirring. The problem with those people as grown-ups is that they often wield a strange social power and an ability to scratch the surface of any conversation without ever being able to have an in-depth conversation about any one thing (I recommend that these people get a smart phone and a wikipedia application), both these qualities, although admirable to a certain degree and necessary to all those that consider a career in politics is completely redundant in an average social situation.

One cannot but feel that these people should just fuck.right.off.

Red button release.

I have a stack of bills. I would really like to pay them, but they're all in Chinese! arf. Makes me feel like I'm a kid again having to get help paying the bills.

For a while there I was feeling like an adult, but nooooooooooo, life has to come along and given me a bill in a foreign language to remind me that my head might be 25 but I still look and have the basic comprehension abilities of a 17 year old.

Can someone from back home come and visit me please?

I'd like that.

Dx

Falls, falling, and water.

So this entry was going to be some huge bitch fest about old men taking their place between the legs of young Asian women. It's not going to be. I'm banking that one for a darker day.

I went back to the waterfall that I was meant to go to the day of the dreaded accident yesterday. It was awesome fun.

No, I didn't drive, my friend Alex kindly did that. I did sit on the back of my own scooter gritting my teeth in absolute terror for at least 20 minutes of the 45 minutes either way. That shit be SCAAAARY. I'm talking 'bout scary like The Hills Have Eyes, not like a roller-coaster-fun-scary.

Was worth it though, If only to see Alex get LEEEEECHED. I didn't get any, I guess they decided I won't taste as good, I guess like most Taiwanese they prefer blonds.

Some visuals for you (unfortunately no pictures of the big fall, I was too busy 1.bathing 2.eating passion-fruit and apple 3. sitting on a rock avoiding leeches)...

Alex and Ranko (My scooter, aptly named after a lady I know would buck me if I tried to ride her ass!)

They're not that big in real life, it's an optical illusion.

I fostered a dog last week. He's awesome. Got hit by two cars and had three legs broken and still running around like the puppy that he is. Only problem is, he's a puppy, which requires full time attention which isn't working out so well. I come home to new obscure de-constructed porch art pieces every day. Here's hoping he gets adopted soon!

HiHo

My face is healing, considering the amount of stitches I had and how bad the accident actually was I look pretty much as I did before with added scars to the nose and chin. I was laughed at when I went to the cosmetic surgeons because I have so many scars on my face, he said we Western women are either too clumsy or too adventurous. I think he may have been hinting I should be wearing a full padded suite.

I'm missing home. Or more accurately, I'm missing my friends. And I'm annoyed that I can't get any bearing on what's going on in European politics because it's too far and there's no real political discussion here. I think I'm becoming stupid and ignorant. You should save me by emailing me short reports about what's happening outside Asia.

Night time!

Dx

when scabs dry, they make a noise if you tap them with your nail.

Yuck!

I have never seen my body in a state of such yuckiness.

Many of you already know that I had a scooter accident last week.

It was a fairly serious accident but luckily involved no one but myself. It was my first day on the scooter and we were going up a mountain and I took a very sharp turn too quickly. My friend Greg kindly drew this to demonstrate what happaned while he was riding behind me;

I remember nothing of the evening, which is really just as well because the hospital visit afterwards involved some scraping out of the road from the wounds and by the description given by a friend I'm pretty happy I can't remember the amount of pain that involved.

A few hours after the accident with the top I was wearing at the time. I was lucky not to have rubbed off a nipple.

Leg damage. Looks worse now! funny how it looks worse when it's healing.

Face damage. This rather embarrassing self portrait was taken in order to demonstrate my injuries to my parents. There's about 19 stitches in that nose...

I'm a lucky girl and everyone that was around me helped, made sure I was okay and took care of me throughout the first few days of immobility.

It did make me hopelessly homesick and friend sick. People did all the right things while I was sick, but I wanted to be at home at that point.

Very nearly dying puts things in prospective.

I have since got back on my scooter and yesterday took my first solo drive! I feel good about not having given up completely.

I went to a party in a mansion in the mountains this weekend. It was in a mansion in some creepy abandoned town. I say creepy, but it was uber beautiful, it was just that half the houses were abandoned (the rich people moved out after an earthquake making the huge houses super cheap to rent but also emptied the neighbourhoods) a six floor mansion for 6 people. It was odd how many empty spaces they had there, I'd inevitably fill every space with junk, I hate emptiness. I'd end up having five dogs and each would have their own room. I might also collect people (live ones!) to fill the spaces.

My tolerance for bullshit, which has always been rather low is getting somewhat lower. I think it's the heat. I may end up like one of those old fashioned gremlins from the game, squeezing my head until it explodes. Either that or I just ignore conversations. I think the latter will be preferable. Tips and hints on how to do this are welcome. Turning head around to look at the TV is only an option for so long...

D